


We Built A Home. They Tore It Down.

by asher_dreads



Category: Daredevil (TV), The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Flashbacks, Revenge, a hint of kastle, because he's the punisher, billy russo must die, not exactly comic-compliant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-02-22 09:33:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13164153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asher_dreads/pseuds/asher_dreads
Summary: Frank helps someone from his past.





	1. It Starts With A Bang

**Author's Note:**

> First off - I own nothing. Quite literally... nothing. For anyone looking to sue, joke's on you.
> 
> Secondly - I initially posted this on FF and was decidedly unhappy with it, so I'm tinkering and posting here. This is my first archive story, so please be kind!
> 
> Lastly - If you're a nerd like me, and the Punisher comics were your favorites growing up, please know I'm playing with some backstories and adding my own M. Night twist to go with it. For those wondering, this is not a reader/author insert, but if it makes you feel better to read it that way, be my guest.
> 
> I'm excited to be a part of the archive family, and I hope I can earn my keep :)

“Alexander Hamilton?” she asked when the door cracked open. She played with the belt of her coat and smiled coyly when the man on the other side quickly opened the door the rest of the way, his jaw falling. “You ah… you gonna let me in, or are you just gonna stare?” she watched as he blinked twice and moved to the side to let her enter the room.

 

“I uh… I’ve never done this before.” The man sputtered as he closed and locked the door.

 

“It’s ok, baby.” She walked past him and turned around to face him, untying the belt at her waist and letting the coat fall to the ground. His adam’s apple bobbed in a visible gulp at the black lace lingerie set she wore, showing off every inch of her toned abdomen and hugging her breasts just right. “I’ll be gentle.” She walked towards him and toyed with his tie before dragging him into a kiss, letting him take the lead in exploring her mouth. She felt his hands grab a fist full of her ass and she chuckled. “For someone who’s never done this before, you sure aren’t shy.” She breathed against his jaw.

 

“God, you’re beautiful.” He groaned as she palmed him through his pants. His free hand played in her chestnut locks and pulled the clip off her head so her hair cascaded loosely around her shoulders.

 

She turned around in his arms and rolled her hips to grind her ass into his pelvis before walking towards the bed. “So… Alexander Hamilton. Who are you really?” she climbed up on the bed, standing on her spread knees, bottom lip pulled between her teeth.

 

“Names aren’t important.” He shook his head, shedding his tie and unbuttoning his shirt as he walked to the bed. “But judging by your look, I think I’m a little overdressed.”

 

“That’s the spirit.” She whispered, tugging on his belt. “Do you… like it kinky?” she winked.

 

“What did you have in mind?” she reached into her left knee-high boot and pulled out a pair of red fuzzy handcuffs, dangling them by her index finger. “Oh my god, yes!” he spat, eyes wide.

 

Within seconds, she had him stripped down to his briefs and handcuffed to the metal frame. She straddled his hips and leaned down over his face to drag her draping necklace over him. His eyes shut as a groan overtook him. “Come on, baby. You’re killing me here.”

 

“Patience, Keith.” She tsked. His eyes popped open.

 

“What did you just call me?”

“Shit.” She slammed her weight down on his groin and squeezed her legs so he couldn’t move, then pulled out a small dagger from her right boot. His eyes grew wide again and he began to squirm. “Hey, hey hey.” She shushed. “I didn’t mean to let that slip. But I guess the silver lining is now I don’t actually have to fuck you.” She smiled at him for a second before her face turned to stone. She plunged the dagger into his thigh and clamped her hand down over his mouth as he attempted to scream. “Shut up, Keith.” she snarled. “We need to have a little chat. Who knows… you talk, maybe you live.” she leaned in until her nose grazed his ear. “Got it?” she felt him nod and sat back up.

 

“I’m going to move my hand. Anything higher than inside voices and I will remove the knife from your leg and introduce it to your vocal chords.” Again, he nodded and she removed her hand.

 

“What the fuck, lady?” Keith growled.

 

“God damnit, Keith. Watch your fucking language. After all, you did just call me a lady.”

 

“What do you want?” he groaned, but she could hear the desperation in his voice.

 

“Where is Billy Russo?” she asked, matter of factly.

 

“Who?”

 

“You heard me!” she snapped, putting pressure on the knife still embedded in his thigh. He jumped in response, yelping in pain and she shoved him back down. “I’m going to let that one go. Next one gets you killed.” he clenched his eyes shut and nodded. “Now… where is Billy Russo? And before you go acting like you don’t know what I’m talking about, let me go ahead and let you know that I’ve seen your financial records. I know you’ve been paying him for the better part of a year in return for his safe keeping of a certain thumb drive.”

 

“That son of a bitch? I never knew his name.” he shook his head. “I – I don’t know where he is… I just know where to send the money.”

 

“Seriously?” she mocked. “Someone threatens your livelihood and you – a fucking _senator_ – can’t muster the resources to find him? Nuh uh… I don’t buy it, Keith.”

 

“I swear!” he gritted out. “I’m not really in a position to lie, now am I?”

 

“Does he still contact you?”

 

“Only if I’m late with the payments – which I never am.” His voice was shaking. She knew he was scared and if she were being honest, it was absolutely exhilarating.

 

“I have to know… what does he have on you, anyway? I could never figure out what was on the drive. Daddy have a kiddie fetish?” she teased.

 

“You’re sick.” He spat. “I told you I don’t know where he is, now please uncuff me so that I can call 911 for this damn knife lodged in my leg.” She started to laugh and he scowled up at her. “What’s so funny?”

 

“That you think you’re ever going to see the outside of this room again.” She kept laughing and wiped the hair out of her face.

 

“No, no… you said if I talked, I live. I talked!” his voice sped up.

 

“Keith… you should have known that the second you saw my face, you were never getting out of here alive.” She pushed her lips out in a motherly pout and patted him gingerly on the shoulder. “Furthermore, you had exactly _no_ information for me.”

 

Keith began to shout for help, but before he could get out the “p”, she yanked the knife from his leg and plunged it into his jugular. Blood began spouting out like a fountain and she shifted slightly to get out of the line of fire.

 

Sighing, she moved off of him and made her way to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, she turned on the water and watched the blood on her hands run down the drain. When she was satisfied with the cleanliness of her hands, she pooled her hands together to slosh water on her face; the tiny blood droplets streaking down her cheeks. She grabbed the hand towel and wiped her face clean before returning to the room and wiping down all surfaces for her prints. She grabbed her coat from the floor and the belt back around her waist, stuffed the hand towel in her pocket and exited the room making sure to avoid the cameras in the hallway on her way out.

 

* * *

 

 “Son of a bitch!” David yelled, throwing his mug across the room.

 

“What? What happened?” Frank asked, making his way out of the makeshift kitchen.

 

“Keith McAbee is dead.” David responded, hands pulling his hair back in frustration. “He was our best lead to find Russo!” he turned to face the chair he had been sitting in. “FUCK!” he shouted, kicking the chair backwards.

 

“David, calm down.” Frank reasoned. “McAbee… how’d he go?” he asked. “I’m assuming it wasn’t natural.”

 

“He was murdered in his hotel room last night. Frank, someone is beating us. This is the third lead snuffed out before we could get to them.”

 

“Ok, so the hotel… can you get the surveillance feed?”

 

“Of course I can.”

 

“Let’s see who was with him then.” Frank wheeled the chair back in front of the monitors and motioned to David. “Yeah?”

 

“Yeah.” David nodded, calming down a little. He sat back down and began what Frank had begun calling his “hacker mojo”, pulling the evidence file on the McAbee case from the FBI server. “Ok, so the video is downloading. You’re sure _no one_ else is on to Russo?”

 

“Madani said he’s in the wind. They’ve got nothing on him… and I know Billy… if he doesn’t want to be found, he’s not going to be found. He has far more connections than I ever did and I managed to stay hidden.” Frank responded. “Looks like the video is ready.”

 

David hit play and the two men watched the empty hallway outside of McAbee’s hotel room for what seemed like forever. “Does anything actually happen in this video?” he spoke out loud, speeding up the video.

 

“Whoa whoa whoa… stop.” Frank put his hands on the table and leaned forward. They watched as the hotel room door opened and a small woman in knee-high stiletto heeled boots and a trench coat filed out into the hallway, hurriedly making her way to the stairwell. “Come on, sweetheart… show us your face.” Nothing.

 

“Ok, so not much to go on.” David spoke. “Let’s see what the cameras outside the hotel picked up… he banged on the keys a little longer until the feed from the hotel’s side entrance appeared on the screen. “Looks like she’s headed towards that alley.” They watched a little longer until they caught movement at the top right hand corner of the screen. “There… that’s got to be her car.”

 

“Can you pull a plate?”

 

“Maybe.” David went back and forth on the feed until the plate was visible on the screen. “And, enhancing…” the zoom became increasingly clear until the numbers were fully visible. “Bingo!” he moved over to another screen and typed the plate number in furiously. “Got it.” Frank moved over to stand behind David and his eyes grew wide at the New York driver’s license photo of a brunette woman with piercing green eyes staring back at him.

 

“Holy shit.” He ran a hand over his face and blinked twice.

 

“What? Who is she?” David asked, confused by the reaction. After a moment of silence, he spoke again. “Frank?”

 

“Can you erase it?”

 

“What?”

 

“The footage… can you erase it?” Frank snapped.

 

“Well, yeah. But why would I?” David asked in confusion.

 

“Just do it.” Frank urged. “I have to go. I’ll be back.” He faltered back to David’s car and climbed in the driver’s seat.

 

“Hey! That’s my car, man!” David shouted as Frank backed out and drove off. “Jesus Christ, Frank.” He muttered, throwing his hands in the air. He looked back at the driver’s license pulled up on his screen and sighed. “Who the hell _are_ you?”

 

* * *

 

Closing the garage door behind her, she sighed behind the wheel of her car. All she wanted to do was change out of the bloody lingerie she wore and take a long, hot shower. Once inside, she unzipped the boots and pulled them off at the door, her feet padding down the hall to her bedroom.

 

She watched as the bloody water washed down the drain and felt the sting of tears behind her eyes. She clamped them shut and when she opened them again, she saw him standing in front of her. Light cocoa skin covered in rivulets of water as he peered down at her with a sad smile on his face.

 

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” he asked, hand rising to cup her cheek. She melted into the touch and stepped closer to him.

 

“You know why.” She answered quietly.

 

“I never wanted this. Not for you.” He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss to her lips before pulling back to hold her gaze. “I can’t keep watching you go down this path.”

 

She nodded slightly and let a single tear slide down her cheek and land on her breast, joining the running water down the drain. Her fingers intertwined with his and he smiled at her fondly. “Then don’t watch.” She whispered. His smile disappeared and she closed her eyes again. When she reopened them, he was gone.

 

Pulling on a clean white shirt and green running shorts, she made her way back down the hallway to the living room when she felt the hairs on her arm stand on end. Something was off. Turning around, the lamp in the corner flicked on to reveal a man dressed in dark wash jeans and a black shirt sitting in the armchair; deep brown eyes sunk into green and she felt a small sense of relief wash over her.

 

“I was wondering when I would register on The Punisher’s radar.” She sighed. “How’s it going, Frank?”

 

Frank leaned forward in the chair, elbows planted on his knees. “Tess.”


	2. The Night We Met

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashback time! This chapter is a bit long, but you know... character development and all that jazz.

* * *

  _Seven years ago.  
_

Ryan looked around the bar, holding his whiskey glass steady in front of his face. Scanning the room, he saw the faces of people he was getting ready to risk his life for – they looked happy; some were laughing, others’ eyes gleamed with the musings of alcohol. This was what it was all for.

 

As a kid, he never imagined being a soldier. No, all he imagined was building things that made the world a better place. He remembered creating a device that opened pill bottles for one of his nicer foster mothers when her arthritis became too much to bear. It was a simple contraption, really, but he was six… at the time, it seemed incredible. He could remember the tears in her eyes when he presented it to her on Christmas and showed her how it worked. It was a shame he ever had to leave that home. He always thought the best memories of his childhood were with that family.

 

Then came that fateful day. The day that everything went to shit, but somehow made everything fall together. He was barely twenty years old when he watched that plane slam into the second tower. He remembered the smell of fear in the engineering class he sat in while the television played on in complete silence. Even the newscasters were stunned – nothing can ever prepare you for the feeling that washes over you after that one word is spoken into existence: _terrorism_. It made his blood boil; his fists clenched, snapping the pen he held in one hand clean in two. He remembered the looks on some of his classmates’ faces when he stood up and walked out, leaving his books and bag behind without a second thought. He drove straight to the recruiting office he drove past every day and enlisted immediately.

 

That’s when he truly became part of a family for the very first time. He fell into a fast friendship with Curtis Hoyle, being two of the only black men serving in their unit; they seemed to look after one another. Then there was Billy Russo – both men grew up in the foster system and found comfort standing on common ground, plus it was nice having someone with his same interest in picking up women to go out with. Wherever Billy went, Frank Castle went, so naturally Ryan and Frank built a friendship of their own. That’s how he found himself here in some bar in Virginia surrounded by his three closest friends – his brothers – the night before they shipped back out to the shit in Afghanistan. He smiled slightly and slammed back the rest of his drink before turning back to his friends.

 

“Come on, boys!” Billy’s voice rang out. “It’s our last night stateside for fuck knows how long,”

 

“Oh come on, Bill.” Frank interjected, rolling his eyes. “It’s six months and you know it. You know, you always do this.” He laughed and shook his head. “Always have to be a drama queen about shit.” The other men laughed as well while Billy scoffed.

 

“Alright, Frankie – have it your way.” He grinned. “But for the rest of us, it’s 2010, we’re surrounded by beautiful women, and there’s enough of us to go around!”

 

“Uh, excuse me?” Frank snorted, raising his left hand. “Remember this ring? Remember Maria? Who, by the way, I need to get back to… I’ll never be forgiven if I spend my last night before deployment with you assholes instead of my wife. She came all the way here from New York and I’m not wasting that.”

 

“Assholes?” Curtis asked. “Look, don’t group me in with those two.” He laughed, pointing at Billy and Ryan. “Just because they chase anything in a skirt doesn’t mean I do.”

 

“Hey, God didn’t give me this body to saddle it down to one woman.” Ryan laughed. “Tell Maria hi for me.” He added seriously as he watched Frank stand to zip up his coat. Frank nodded in response and tipped his glass to them before downing the shot.

 

“See you shitheads in the morning. Curt, don’t let them ruin any of these poor girls.” He pointed out to the rest of the bar and smirked.

 

“They came willingly… they knew what they were signing up for.” Billy shot back. “Get out of here, Castle.” Frank nodded and headed towards the door, leaving the other three alone.

 

“Alright…” Curtis began. “So which one of you two is going to let me sign you up for Careless Whisper?” he laughed, nodding toward the mic.

 

“I didn’t realize this was a karaoke bar.” Ryan shook his head. “But I’m not singing shit.” He laughed. They watched and chuckled as two guys got up back-to-back to belt out poor renditions of Don’t Stop Believin’ and Tiny Dancer; Billy resorting to heckling. The DJ announced a new name none of them paid any attention to and a small blonde took the stage, giving a small peck on the cheek to the DJ as she passed.

 

Ryan swore his heart stopped beating altogether. She couldn’t have been much taller than five feet and wore a loose-fitting long sleeved royal blue dress that fell almost to her knees coupled with dark brown boots that hugged her calves. Her hair was as close to gold as he had ever seen, illuminated more by the shitty stage light above her. Emerald eyes took up what he swore was half her face and seemed to only be accentuated more by the full pouted lips all set within the creamiest porcelain skin he had ever seen. The way the crowd cheered, he figured she had to be a regular and by no thought of his own, he found his hands clapping together for her as well. All he could think to himself was _“why the fuck did I not hear her name?”_. The music started, some acoustic song that sounded vaguely familiar, and then her voice rang out, soft at first but enough to make him believe in pure magic.

 

_Childhood living is easy to do_

_The things you wanted, I bought them for you_

_Graceless lady, you know who I am_

_You know I can’t let you slide through my hands_

_Wild horses couldn’t drag me away_

_Wild, wild horses couldn’t drag me away_

_I watched you suffer a dull aching pain_

_Now you’ve decided to show me the same_

_No sweeping exit or offstage lines_

_Could make me feel bitter, or treat you unkind_

_Wild horses couldn’t drag me away_

_Wild, wild horses couldn’t drag me away_

_I know I’ve dreamed you, a sin and a lie_

_I have my freedom, but I don’t have much time_

_Faith has been broken – tears must be cried_

_Let’s do some living after we die_

_Wild horses couldn’t drag me away_

_Wild, wild horses couldn’t drag me away_

_Wild horses couldn’t drag me away_

_Wild, wild horses, we’ll ride them some day._

 

The music drowned out and he felt his legs removing him from his bar stool into a standing ovation. Billy and Curtis looked at him sideways, but he couldn’t have cared less. He let out a loud “woo!” and smiled when she made eye contact with him, matching his ear-to-ear grin. She returned the mic to the DJ and made her way back to a table with four other women that all hugged her before she sat back down.

 

“You alright there, buddy?” Curtis asked, patting Ryan’s shoulder.

 

“I think Williams just found who he wants to spend his last night in.” Billy laughed.

 

“Shut up, Bill.” Ryan shook his head, returning to his seat. “I thought she was good, didn’t you think she was good?”

 

“I don’t know man… never had her.” Billy quipped.

 

“Don’t make me get us thrown out of here.” Ryan threatened with a small laugh.

 

“Don’t look now, but she’s coming over here.” Curtis chuckled. Against advice, Ryan looked behind him and again, they locked eyes and he smiled a little when she ducked her face and tucked some hair behind her ear. She landed at the bar two stools down from him and immediately grabbed the bartender’s attention.

 

“Hey Jack, can we get another round?” she asked, and Ryan took a swig from the beer Billy put in front of him.

 

“Of course.” Jack answered and turned back to the other end of the bar.

 

Ryan got ready to speak when some dick came out of nowhere and crowded her. “Hey there…” he started, and Ryan noticed her body tense up at his proximity.

 

“Hi.” She responded, keeping her vision trained straight ahead.

 

“So, listen… my buddy and I thought you did a great job with that Rolling Stones song. See, he said there’s no way a chick like you could do them justice, but I knew you had it in you.”

 

“Thanks. I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Her nails tapped on the counter as she spoke.

 

“You know, if you ever want, you can ride this wild horse anytime.” She finally turned to look at him and he kissed the air in her direction. Ryan shook his head and reared up to step in, but she beat him to it.

 

“What a generous offer.” Her words dripped with sarcasm as she put a hand to her chest. “Unfortunately for you, beastiality is still illegal… sorry.” Ryan let out a laugh under his breath.

 

“Wow… I tried to pay you a compliment. You don’t have to be a bitch.” The guy groaned.

 

“Please leave.” She dismissed him.

 

“Last I checked, this is still America. I can stand here if I damn well please.” The guy retorted, eyeing her up and down and the look alone was enough for Ryan. He sat his beer down and swung his stool around to face them.

 

“I think the lady asked you to leave.” He challenged. The guy sized Ryan up briefly before smartly deciding it was something he wouldn’t win and rolled his eyes before walking away.

 

“Thanks.” She spoke, giving him a small smile. “That guy is an asshole.”

 

“No problem. So, what are you drinking?” Ryan questioned, changing the subject. She looked over at him and he swore her cheeks flushed slightly.

 

“Uh, just IPAs.” She answered. “You?”

 

It occurred to him that he didn’t even know what he was drinking. He tilted the bottle back to look at the label and heard her chuckle. “Looks like an IPA.” He looked back at her and smiled. “I’m Ryan.” He extended his hand and she took it.

 

“Teresa.” They dropped hands and she moved over a stool closer while she waited. “But my friends all call me Tess.”

 

“So can I call you Tess?” he teased.

 

“Yeah… yeah, I think you can.” She ducked her head again and he smiled.

 

“You were good up there.” He nodded towards the stage and she looked back up, still smiling.

 

“Yeah?” she gave him a small laugh. “You seemed to enjoy it.” Jack walked over with the five beers and sat them on the counter. “Thank you!” she beamed at him and he nodded back at her before walking to another customer.

 

“You uh… want some help carrying these?” Ryan asked, pointing at the bottles.

 

“Sure, if you don’t mind.” She nodded. He picked up the two bottles she left on the counter and followed her to the table of women, looking back at Curtis and Billy with a wink. Curtis shook his head while Billy laughed, giving a small golf clap in commendation.

 

“Ryan, this is Haley, Kate, Joanne and Kelsey.” Tess pointed out each woman as they waved their hello. “Everyone, this is Ryan. He was kind enough to help me carry this round since none of you could be bothered.”

 

“Oh please, Tess.” Kate dismissed. “Thank you, Ryan. Chivalry _does_ still exist! Men transporting alcohol for poor innocent women.”

 

“Something tells me you aren’t being sincere with that, but I’ll still take it.” Ryan laughed, tipping his bottle to the table before taking a swig.

 

Two hours later and Ryan and Tess had moved to their own small table, talking about anything and everything. He told her about his experience enlisting and she told him about growing up in a wealthy Manhattan home, but made it clear that she didn’t associate with any of her family and did her best to distance herself from him – including moving to Virginia to take a job in physical therapy at the VA. Curtis had long since gone and Billy was making out with some girl in the corner where he thought no one could see. The DJ had stopped trying to recruit new karaoke singers and switched to playing music of his own. Ryan looked up to see several people dancing near the stage and looked back at Tess, her eyes wide and cheeks tinted pink.

 

“You uh… you wanna dance?” he asked nervously. He had never been nervous with a woman before and it was freaking him out internally just sitting near her. She nodded and he held out his hand to lead her to the dance floor. He couldn’t place the song, but he was at least thankful it was slower and he put an arm around her waist while holding her right hand and pulled her close. Her left arm snaked around his neck and he felt her fingers ghosting on his skin, leaving trails of fire in their wake. They began to sway and he looked down, noting all the freckles he could clearly see splayed on her cheeks and nose when he was this close.

 

“So, I feel like I should tell you now rather than it become a thing later…” she began, a small smile forming, “I know you said you’re shipping out tomorrow.” He nodded in response and she continued. “I’m not going to take you home tonight.” He laughed and she followed suit. “What? Hey, I thought I would just let you know… you know, in case you want to find someone else… I think Joanne would be your best bet out of my friends.” She teased.

 

“I’m not looking for that.” He shook his head. “I’ve enjoyed being with you.”

 

“Me too.”

 

“So then let’s just keep doing this.” She nodded and rested her head against his chest.

 

Ryan shipped out the next morning, but not without Tess’ phone number and a promise to stay in touch. It was a promise he kept without fail over the next six months. Phone calls turned into weekly video chats that both grew to look forward to more than any other event. Tess found herself cancelling plans on Fridays in order to be available for his calls and any late or missed call left her with a pit of dread deep within her gut, but he always found a way to let her know he was ok.

 

On her birthday, he had flowers delivered to her at the hospital. They never had the flower conversation, so he guessed: sunflowers surrounded by daisies. The note read _“Didn’t know what you liked and I wanted it to be a surprise, so I chose the most beautiful flower for the most beautiful girl. I’m sorry I can’t be there to celebrate with you, but I always look forward to Friday. – R”_ He would never see it, but tears formed as she read it and the note found a permanent home on her office bulletin board.

 

Some video chats featured the guys – she became acquainted with Curtis, Billy and Frank and even told Frank she would look up Maria during her next visit to New York. They grew to love Tess and relentlessly teased Ryan for ditching his player ways for a girl he had only seen off camera once.

 

Tess never asked what they were and Ryan never asked that she be his – it seemed to be unspoken that they cared for each other deeply. It wasn’t until the start of the last month of his deployment that Ryan asked if she was seeing anyone. She laughed in response and shook her head. “The only person I’m seeing is in Afghanistan.” She continued to laugh. “Hey, isn’t that where you are? Maybe you know him?”

 

“I think so… tall, dark and handsome, funny and charming?” he played along.

 

“Oh, no. My guy isn’t all that attractive. And come to think of it, he’s quite awful. Maybe I should be going out more…” she trailed off and he chortled.

 

“Oh, that’s how it is, huh?” he broke into laughter in time with hers. As it died off, he grew serious. “You know, maybe it’s easier to say this since I’m way over here and all… if you don’t like it, we can just hang up and I can go shoot people to get over it.” He rambled.

 

“I love you too.” She said, cutting him off. She reached out to his face on her screen and ran her finger along his cheek.

 

“I love you.” He nodded in confirmation. “I’ll be back in a few weeks. Think you can hold on for me a little bit longer?”

 

“Always for you.” She agreed.

 

The next Friday’s call came with bad news. His deployment had been extended and he wasn’t sure for how long. He watched as she cried and tried to ease her pain, but it was a fruitless effort. She told him that she didn’t want to spend their time crying, but she couldn’t stop and that it was best they just spoke again the following Friday. He agreed and they ended the call.

 

“Now why the hell did you go off and do something stupid like that?” Frank asked from behind him.

 

“It’ll make it a much better surprise.” Ryan turned to face his friend, continuing to pack his duffel. “She’s never going to expect me to be there Sunday night.”

 

“No, but you just made her cry.” Frank countered.

 

“Yeah, that was an unfortunate side-effect, but it’ll be worth it.”

 

“Well, Maria cried when I told her we were coming home early, so I guess it could have ended that way regardless.” Frank huffed. “I just hope yours has a good ending.” He stood up patting Ryan on the shoulder before exiting the room.

 

Sunday night, Tess found herself at dinner with Kate and staring endlessly into her half-empty glass of rose. “Tess, it’s going to be ok.” Kate offered sympathetically.

 

“I know.” She sighed. “This whole situation is just bizarre, you know? I meet a guy I really like and the next day he goes to war… what is this, the 50s?” she snorted, Kate’s sad smile forming in response.

 

“You seem to really like him… and who knows, maybe things will look up for you guys.”

 

“Yeah, maybe.” Tess downed the rest of her glass and stood up, grabbing her purse from the back of her chair. “I’m sorry. Can we just go? I just kind of feel like crying on my couch like a five-year-old.”

 

“Ok.” Kate agreed. She signed for the check and followed Tess out the door to her car.

 

The ride was mostly silent, with a few pings from Kate’s phone. When they pulled up to Tess’ home, they said their goodbyes and Tess made her way through the front door. Her keys jingled when they hit the bowl by the door and she looked up to see Kelsey standing at the entrance to her living room. “What are you doing here?” she asked, walking towards her.

 

“Ok, Tess… I know you gave me your key for emergencies, and I think you’ll agree I did the right thing in a few minutes…” she trailed off.

 

“Kelsey, what’s going on?” she asked, nervously.

 

“I kind of brought you something.” Kelsey answered, blocking her entrance to the living room. “Thought it might cheer you up.” She stepped aside and Tess gave her a small laugh.

 

“Ok, weirdo.” She walked into the room and her stomach dropped. There stood Ryan in his fatigues, sunflower in his hand and a smile so big he was afraid his face would stick that way. “Oh my god.” She gasped. “Are you… are you really here?” her voice started to get frantic and he nodded. “Oh my god!” she ran to him and leapt in his arms, legs wrapping tightly around his waist and he stumbled backwards slightly before shifting to support her weight. He could feel her tears falling on his shoulder and he nudged her face up with his.

 

“Hi.” He whispered, leaning his forehead against hers. “Would you… would you be upset if I kissed you?”

 

“I would be upset if you didn’t.” she laughed, rubbing a thumb across his cheek in admiration. She leaned down further and their lips finally met in a soft, sweet embrace. She broke away and slid down until her feet touched the floor again and pulled him back down to her. Her lips parted and his tongue gave hers two longing strokes before he pulled back, lightly sucking in her bottom lip before releasing her completely.

 

“I think we destroyed the flower.” He laughed, looking down at the smashed petals still in his hand.

 

Tess never broke her gaze from his face, looking up at him lovingly. “I don’t care.”


	3. Let's Make A Deal

* * *

 

_Present Day_

 

“So is this how you’re punishing people now? By breaking into homes and giving people heart attacks?” Tess scoffed, turning back towards the kitchen. He got up to follow her and kept silent.

 

He took a moment to consider her. Reconciling the woman standing in this kitchen with the woman he knew was proving to be an impossible task. He had taken the time to look around the townhouse before she arrived and everything he saw screamed of his old friend – everything but Tess herself. She had a new air about her he couldn’t describe, and he couldn’t help but relate. Maybe this is just what happens to people like them. The fact that she was able to keep her surroundings so normal brought him the tiniest bit of relief, but seeing _her_ was threatening to wipe that clean.

 

She walked harder than he remembered. Her once blonde mane that Maria once envied was now a deep brown the color of Ryan’s eyes – he wondered if it was to change her appearance, or if it was to keep a reminder of the one she lost. She had always been small, but now she looked as though food was just a bad habit she was trying to quit – he even noticed how her wedding band appeared loose on her finger. Nothing about her was what he remembered and he wondered if the heartbreak he felt for her was what other people felt around him.

 

“Beer?” she asked, offering him a bottle from the fridge. He accepted and twisted off the cap, taking a swig. They stood in an uncomfortable silence for a few moments before she spoke again. “Are you here to kill me?” he noted the lack of fear in her voice and his jaw clenched.

 

“I’m unarmed.” He answered, swallowing another gulp of beer. She laughed.

 

“I think we both know you don’t need to be armed to kill me.”

 

“What the hell are you doing, Tess?” he snapped, bottle slamming down on her counter. “Three kills, and those are just the ones I know about. Are there others?”

 

“No.” she answered immediately, not breaking eye contact. “And how many have you killed, Frank? Judgment is really the last thing you should be offering here.”

 

“I wasn’t there when Ryan died and I’m sorry for that,” he offered. “But you getting yourself killed isn’t the answer.” She laughed at his hypocrisy, but chose not to comment, taking a drink instead.

 

“They killed him.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Same people that killed Maria. Killed your kids. Except there’s a twist I learned during the first kill.” She took a long swig and set the bottle back down, rapping her nails against the glass. “Billy pulled the trigger.” She looked back up at him.

 

“So you’re looking to kill Bill. Didn’t they already make that movie? I guess you could be Uma Thurman… but you’re not blonde anymore.” Frank mused, pushing a strand of her hair back over her shoulder.

 

“This isn’t a joke to me. I may not have your tactical skills, but Billy Russo is going to pay. You didn’t have the balls to kill him when you had the chance. If I find him, I’m not making that mistake. So if you’re here to kill me, get on with it. Otherwise, get out of my way.” She reached into one of the drawers beside her and handed over the Glock she had stored away. “I’m not going to fight you on it.”

 

Frank turned the gun over in his hand, feeling the familiar weight in his hand. He looked back up at her and nodded slowly raising the gun level to her head. She closed her eyes and heard the click of the safety before she reopened her eyes and watched him put the gun back on the counter. “Want some help?” he gritted out before taking another gulp.

* * *

 

  

He grabbed the bottle of pills from the medicine cabinet, dumping three white ovals into his palm before shoving them down his throat unceremoniously. Closing the cabinet door, he caught his reflection in the mirror and gritted his teeth, clenching his eyes shut. Slowly opening them again, he ran his fingers along the raised edges of one of the many scars that now aligned his once beautiful face. His mind replayed the sound of his skin ripping against the carousel glass, his screams piercing the night sky, and he felt Frank’s grip in his hair. He met his own gaze in the mirror and released a roar as he smashed a fist into the glass.

 

_“Frank Castle will fucking die.”_

 

Opening his laptop, he was met with the headline “Senator Keith McAbee Found Dead in Midtown Hotel” and slammed his fist down on the table. The few resources he had left were dropping like flies and not one of the deaths reeked of Frank. Scanning the article about the Senator, it appeared as though he was murdered during a date gone horribly awry. Pulling out the burner phone he purchased the day before, he dialed the only number he knew by memory and waited as it rang.

 

_“Yeah?”_ a male voice spoke.

 

“We do this now.”

_“Russo”_

“NEVER use that name.” he yelled back.

_“Yeah, ok. Fine.”_

“Call him. Tell him we need to meet. Thursday, 2am. The docks.”

_“And just who do I tell him wants to meet if I can’t use your name?”_ the man scoffed on the other end.

 

Billy Russo ran a hand over his face, feeling the many scars as he went. He switched the phone to his left ear and swallowed hard. “Jigsaw.”

 

He snapped the phone in half and threw it against the wall.

* * *

 

  

He knew she wouldn’t, but he really hoped that she would throw him out the moment she saw him. He hated involving her in his shit; didn’t want to put her at risk anymore than she already did herself. But he also knew that as good as David was, he needed someone that could keep this hidden from the world if it came down to it. He would keep her safe – it was the only promise he had left for anyone anymore. He cleared his throat and knocked on the door.

 

A few seconds and the door opened. There stood Karen Page – all legs and bright blue eyes – before him. “Frank?” she spoke quietly, pulling him inside by his arm and shutting the door behind them. “Is everything alright? What are you doing here?”

 

He moved from around her and walked further into her apartment. “I uh… I need a favor.” He answered, turning back around to face her.

 

“Yeah, sure. Whatever you need.” She nodded.

 

“Don’t do that.” He shook his head. “You wanna say no, you say no.”

 

“What is it, Frank?” she asked, patience seemingly wearing thin.

 

“I caught up with someone from my past. I need help keeping things out of the spotlight.”

 

“In other words, you’re about to do something and you don’t want it getting out.” her tone seeped with disapproval.

 

“Karen.” He sighed, meeting her eyes. “You helped me, remember? Kept me going. Pulled me out of some dark shit – most of the time kicking and screaming, yeah?” She didn’t answer, but wrapped her arms around herself and he continued. “Well, this… friend… she’s going through dark shit now too. I gotta help her.”

 

“Her?” If it were even possible, Frank swore Karen’s wide eyes got even wider.

 

“It’s not like that.” He shook his head. “Tess… she’s married to one of my old marine buddies. Was married, I guess.” He corrected himself, feeling the sting of the words as he reflected on his own situation. “Karen, I’m not going to lie to you. She’s the one that killed that senator.”

 

“McAbee?” she asked, shocked.

 

“Yeah. The CIA agent and dealer too.” He nodded.

 

“And you want to do what, exactly? Harbor a fugitive?” her voice grew a little louder. “For fucks sake, Frank!” she ran a hand through her hair and shook her head in utter disbelief.

 

“She’s not a fugitive. No one knows she did it.” he argued. Semantics… Karen was too pure for this world and all he had to offer her was semantics. He just couldn’t help himself, and he hated himself for it.

 

“Why don’t you take her out? Isn’t that your thing? Punishing murderers?” her words felt like venom.

 

“Russo killed her husband.” Karen erupted in laughter at the statement and he cocked his head to the side in confusion.

 

“So let me get this straight.” She started. “You stumbled upon the female version of you. The Punishette. This is unbelievable.”

 

“Like I said – you wanna say no, you say no.” he retorted with a sigh. They stared at each other momentarily, each silently daring the other to continue. “Look, Karen. I wouldn’t be asking you if I didn’t truly need the help.”

 

“I know.” She answered softly. “What exactly is it that you want me to do?”

 

“Just… keep her out of the papers, yeah?” he handed her a folded piece of paper that he had scribbled Tess’ name on and she nodded.

 

“So this is about Billy Russo? You’re going after him.” She more stated than asked.

 

“I thought this was over, Karen.” He looked down at the floor before speaking again. “It’s not.”

 

“So when is it over, huh?” she seethed. “When everyone is dead, is that it, Frank?” he kept his head down. “No, you look at me Frank.” She demanded. He slowly raised his head before looking her in the eyes. “You keep going down this path and you’re going to get your wish. Everyone will die. Not just those you deem worthy of it, but there’s going to be more collateral damage than you could have imagined. Is that something you can live with?” she blinked first, not realizing that tears were beginning to sting behind her eyes.

 

“You sure can throw around some shit, you know that?” he smirked, looking off to the side. His change in demeanor brought a small smile to her face and she sighed.

 

“I just don’t think I can go through thinking you’re dead again.” She muttered and he looked back at her, face going soft. “You remember at the river when you told me you can’t lose me? I just wish you understood that I can’t lose you.”

 

“Hey, hey…” he grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her into a hug. “You aren’t gonna lose me, Karen. I promise.” He felt her arms wrap tightly around his waist and her face buried itself in the crook of his neck. He breathed in her soft scent of vanilla and lilac before clutching her tighter. He wasn’t sure what this thing was between them, but what he was sure of was that he felt drawn to her in a way he never thought he would feel again. Whether she felt the same or not, he would always find it enough that she made him feel.

 

“I’m holding you to that, Frank Castle.” She mumbled against his skin. He could hear the smile in her muffled words and rested his chin on her head, squeezing one of her shoulders.

 

“Actually, you should probably start calling me Pete Castiglione now… you know, new identity and all.” He responded as they swayed.

 

“Pete is a stupid fucking name.”

 

 


	4. Is This It

_Three years ago._

The once faint beeping was starting to pound in his head. Flashes of the explosion flew though his mind; Billy’s face appeared telling him to just hold on as he returned fire, Curtis cursing under his breath with his kit opened in front of him. Ryan flirted with unconsciousness before finally giving in to the temptation. He couldn’t deny it felt nice… the sharp pain coming from his left side dulled and her face appeared in front of him. _Tess… god she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen._ Her laugh rang out and he watched as a small child, maybe eight months old, appeared in her arms: a little girl with his skin and her bright green eyes, her hair dark and curly.

 

Tess looked up at him and smiled; Christ, he swore that smile could power the world ten times over. He reached out for her and she caught his hand, fingers wrapping around his tight. “Look what we made.” She beamed. “Babe, we _made_ her.”

 

“Yeah, yeah…” he agreed. “We did good.” He pulled her hand to his face and kissed her knuckles.

 

And yet, the beeping persisted.

 

The pain was coming back.

 

Dear god, the pain was coming back.

 

His eyes blinked open and the harsh fluorescent lighting flooded in. “Fuck, Curt… he’s awake!” he heard a male voice above him and Curtis’ face came into view, blocking the light shining in his face.

 

“Hey there, buddy… you still with us?” Curtis asked, voice shaking.

 

“What…” Ryan’s throat burned as he tried to choke out the words. “What happened?”

 

“Kid walked into the market… strapped. You chased him into that old mosque, you crazy son of a bitch.” Ryan nodded, remembering the explosion. “You got pinned under half the roof, man.”

 

“Fuck.” Ryan coughed.

 

“Yeah, fuck.” Curtis agreed. “Look, man, I heard them talking out there. They’re shipping you back. You’re going home.” he placed a hand on Ryan’s good shoulder and gave a small squeeze. “Get some rest. With any luck, maybe you’ll wake up on the right side of the ocean.” Ryan nodded in response, only wanting to fade back out and dull the pain.

 

“Curt?”

 

“Yeah, man?”

 

“You got something in that bag to put me back out? My arm feels like it’s on fucking fire.” He gritted out. Curtis nodded and fiddled in his bag before pulling out a syringe and some sort of bottle. Ryan didn’t care, so long as it worked.

 

“Yeah, man… you got it. Rest up.” He fed the liquid in through the IV tube and gave a final nod before Ryan drifted back off into peace.

 

* * *

 

 

She moved in with him in damn near the minute he landed back in New York – quit her job and uprooted her life without a second thought. Refused to take no for an answer, though he wouldn’t have dreamed of saying no in the first place. He was chicken shit up until then; he was too afraid to ask her to live with him. Everything had been damn near perfect for the past four years and there was no way he was going to fuck with a good thing.

 

Three surgeries, four pins, nine screws and a reconstructed shoulder later and Ryan was finally ready to start the physical therapy stage of his recovery. Of course he had wanted Tess as his PT, but she was adamant that it would be a bad idea. _“Therapists push their patients, babe. I can take all the shit from my patients they can dish because at the end of the day, I know I’m helping them and quite frankly, I’m not a fixture in their lives. I can’t be that for you. I don’t want you to resent me when you have a bad day.”_ she had said. He rolled his eyes, but deep down he knew she was right. He started working with Max, one of Tess’ colleagues at her new hospital, and he had to admit the guy wasn’t half bad.

 

His first “bad day” came after a particularly rough session trying to pick up a softball. After laying on his own special brand of encouragement for what felt like the millionth time, all Ryan wanted to do was throw the ball in Max’s face to shut him up. That night when Tess got home, she found him in the kitchen; he sat on the floor with one knee drawn to his chest, back against the counter and a drink in his good hand. She slid down next to him, careful not to bump his sling, and sat with him in silence.

 

The next week, his discharge papers were finalized. Ryan knew it was coming, but it didn’t soften the blow. Neither did the mention of a Purple Heart and Medal of Honor. He felt like such a failure and told Tess as much. She tried her best to convince him that he wasn’t a failure, but a hero – by chasing that kid into that building, he saved hundreds of lives; she was proud to be with him. This would be a new beginning for them and that now he could stay; he could stay with her and they could move forward. He nodded, but it felt more like appeasement than agreement, and fell asleep with his head cradled against her chest.

 

The day after the pinning ceremony, Ryan found himself in some ritzy jewelry store with Frank and the distinct feeling that neither of them belonged in a place so fancy. 45 minutes and eight grand later, he left with a small box and a sinking gut.

 

“Fuck, Frank.” He breathed. “What if she says no?” his hand started to shake around the box in his pocket.

 

“You two have been together, what? Four years? She moved to New York for you, puts up with your whiny ass.” They both laughed at that and Frank continued. “She’s not going to say no, man.” He shook his head as they walked. “You love her, she loves you… nothing else to say. Except… how the hell did some girl get you of all people to settle down?” they both laughed again.

 

“I don’t know, man… she’s just… I don’t know.” Ryan shook his head, pulling his beanie down further over his head. “You know, I loved my old life. Partying, blowing shit up with you assholes, the girls… damn, Bill and I were epic.” He smirked at the memory and toyed with the box in his pocket again. “But none of it compares to how much I love her smile… love how her hand fits perfectly in mine, love watching her get lost playing some fancy as shit song on the piano, love her quick wit…”

 

“Ok, ok, I get it. You love her.”

 

“I really do – more than anything.”

 

“Then you’ve got nothing to worry about.” The two men shared a look and Ryan nodded in appreciation.

 

* * *

 

 

Ryan lay on his back on the couch, his eyes closed as he listened to the sound of the rain outside mixed with the song Tess played on the piano in the corner of the room. He knew the music had taken her over when he heard her soft humming. Cracking an eye open, he watched as she swayed in time with the music and slowly sat up to watch her. She never believed him, but he always said she was never as beautiful as when she was swept away into another world on that piano bench.

 

He stood and made his way over to her. He knew she was in another dimension, and he couldn’t help but be selfish – he wanted her back on earth with him. He let her get through the rest of the song; her slender fingers working over the keys like magic. When she was done and her eyes fluttered open, he swore he saw the beginnings of tears shining through. Pushing her hair to one shoulder, Ryan placed small kisses to the opposite shoulder and slowly made his way up her neck to her jawline. Tess rolled her head to the side to grant better access and sighed in appreciation.

 

“That’s nice.” she spoke softly, voice full of content.

 

“What song was that?” he asked, pushing more hair out of his way to resume his trail. “It sounded sad.”

 

“Moonlight Sonata.” She answered. “It’s Beethoven.” He found her pulse point and gave her a slight nip, causing her to inhale sharply. “He wrote it for one of his students after he fell in love with her… she didn’t feel the same.”

 

“That’s a shame.” Ryan murmured, licking a small trail to her earlobe.

 

“Babe.” Tess breathed.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“It’s too soon.”

 

“Says who?”

 

“You just got out of the sling. You’re not supposed to be participating in strenuous activities.”

 

“How about this?” Ryan asked, taking a step back as she turned to look up at him. “How about I call Max and ask him if it’s ok to have sex with my girlfriend.” He smirked, hooking a thumb backwards towards his discarded phone on the couch.

 

“Don’t you dare.” Tess smiled, her eyes growing wide.

 

“We’ve been working on a few things… maybe I could show you and you tell me if I’m ready or not?” he compromised. Tess pondered for a moment and took in his puppy dog eyes before huffing out a laugh.

 

“Yeah, ok.” She agreed. “Show me what you’ve got.” She gestured.

 

“Yes!” Ryan hissed, holding out his hand. She took it and stood to follow him to the couch. He gently pushed her down until she was sitting back and he knelt down in front of her. As his hands smoothed up her legs to her thighs and under her dress, she started shaking her head.

 

“Whoa there, buddy.” She put a hand on his good shoulder to stop him. “What are you doing? I thought you were going to show me what you’ve been working on and _I_ got to make the final call.”

 

“Well, if you’d let me, I’m _trying_ to show you.” He argued playfully, hooking his fingers in the waistband of her panties. “Just take these off and relax, yeah?” Tess stared at him for a few moments before lifting her hips to accommodate him removing her panties. He trailed his left index finger lazily up her thigh until he reached slickness, emitting a low chuckle at the contact. “I see I got you a little worked up there.” He pushed the finger into her folds and ran it slowly up and down, watching as her breath picked up speed.

 

“Smug bastard.” She breathed out, fading into a moan as he briefly ran his finger over her clit.

 

“What was that?” he teased. She glared daggers at his shit-eating grin and he pushed his middle finger fully inside of her. Tess squeezed her eyes shut and swallowed hard, holding back another moan. “You’re so tight.” He hummed. She fought every urge she had to clench around his finger, scared she would hurt him, and it was taking every ounce of concentration she had.

 

“Stop.” She snapped, grabbing his wrist – albeit loosely. Ryan immediately halted his movements and met her eyes. “Please stop.” She repeated, softer. He removed his hand and sat back on his heels.

 

“Tess?” he questioned, concern coating his voice.

 

“I can’t do this.” She reached down to grab her panties from the floor. “I’m sorry.” She choked.

 

“Hey, hey…” he shushed her. “You have nothing to apologize for.” He assured her. “I shouldn’t have pushed you. _I’m_ sorry.” He pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and she nodded before grabbing his wrist and leaning her cheek into his palm. “Are you ok?” he asked.

 

“I just…” she sighed. “I’m just so scared I’m going to hurt you.” She admitted.

 

“You won’t.” he held up his hand. “Squeeze my hand, Tess.” She gave him a puzzled look and he shook his head. “Just do it.” He pulled her hand up to meet his and interlocked their fingers. “As hard as you can.”

 

“Are you out of your mind? Ryan, your arm was _crushed_. It’s great you can pick things up now, but that doesn’t mean you’re just magically better.”

 

“Tess, squeeze my hand.” He repeated.

 

“No.”

 

“Fine. I’ll squeeze yours then.” He clenched his fingers tight around hers, making sure she saw his pain-free face as he increased the pressure until he saw discomfort flash across her features.

 

“Oh my god, Ryan, that hurts.” She hissed, yanking her hand back.

 

“You. Not me. Tess, I’m not magically better. I told you, I’ve been working hard on this. I’ve doubled up on my home exercises and Max said I’m advancing weeks ahead of the plan he mapped out for me.”

 

“Ryan… that’s… that’s fantastic!” Tess beamed. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him, allowing him to deepen the embrace and nudge her back onto the couch. Ryan pulled back and let his forehead rest against hers to catch his breath.

 

“So, does that mean…” Ryan trailed off, locking eyes with Tess. She smiled and nodded, pulling him back into her.

 

“But even the slightest discomfort and you have to swear you’ll tell me.” She warned.

 

“I’m slightly uncomfortable right now.” He responded, her concerned look causing him to laugh. “We’re wearing too many clothes, babe.” He teased. Tess gave him a playful smack to the chest and chuckled.

 

* * *

 

 

He lied to her. This was when she was the most beautiful. Her skin was glossed with sweat and her hair was matted around her forehead, as if it was spun from pure gold. She leaned back slightly with her hands on his knees behind her and rocked back and forth, offering her chest to him for the taking. He sat up to meet her and pulled his legs up to support her back as she rode him. His face went to her breasts; licking, nipping and sucking what he could. When he looked back up, she had closed her eyes and held her bottom lip secure between her teeth.

 

The noises she made above him could challenge the angels singing praise to god himself. Every gasp, every whimper, every moan spoke to his very soul. He knew she was almost there and all he wanted to do was see her fall apart. “Look at me.” Her eyes opened and pierced his before he leaned forward and met her lips, tongues battling in a hot mess for dominance. She broke away to let out another cry as his thumb began to trace circles around her clit.

 

“Come on, Tess.” He breathed. He knew he wouldn’t last much longer, but he would be damned if she didn’t get to go first. “Come on, look at me.” She met his eyes again and her mouth fell open in a silent scream before her body began to convulse. Ryan reached up and held her neck loosely while moving her back and forth. The feel of her muscles spasming around him in wet hot heat coupled with the flush of her cheeks, the emeralds of her eyes – it was all he needed. He groaned as he shot up inside of her and crumpled back onto the couch, pulling her down to rest on top of him.

 

“I’ve missed that.” Tess panted, sliding off of his lap and onto her back next to him. Her arm draped over her eyes as she willed her body to return to its normal state. Ryan inched an arm over her abdomen and chuckled. “What’s so funny?”

“I fucking love you.” He laughed.

 

“Yeah? Well, I love fucking you.” She giggled back. Ryan gave her side a squeeze and stood up. “Where are you going?” she started to sit up and he held a hand out to stop her.

 

“Stay here. I’ll be back.” He picked up his clothes and made his way out of the living room. Tess pulled her dress off the floor and lazily draped it over her head before lying back down. Before long, Ryan came back in fully clothed with two glasses of water and a nervous smile.

 

“What?” she laughed, gulping down the water.

 

“I want to ask you something.” He said, almost sheepishly.

 

“What is going on with you?” Tess laughed again. “Ryan… you’re shaking.”

 

“I know this isn’t the story you want to tell people when they ask, but I can’t help it. The time is just right, you know?” he tried to explain.

 

“Story? What on earth are you talking about?” she asked. “Babe, you’re making me nervous.”

 

“Teresa Mari-“ he started.

 

“What are you doing?” she cut him off and watched as he got down on one knee in front of her. A small velvet navy box came out of his pocket and suddenly he was opening it and the ring… fuck, it was perfect. And now she’s crying and he’s blurry to her, but she can hear him saying everything she always thought she would want to hear. And then he asked.

 

“Will you marry me?”


	5. Pure Morning

It was days like this when Tess couldn’t bear to get out of bed. A hand ghosted over her abdomen and she rolled over to face away from the window, a sob breaking out mid way. She blinked through the tears and her focus returned on a set of deep brown eyes surrounded by beautiful light brown skin that trailed down to a full smile reserved just for her. God she missed that smile.

 

“Hi.” She choked out, fingertips sneaking to his cheek. He caught her hand in his and brought her knuckles to his lips. She swore she could feel the tickle from his beard and her breath hitched.

 

“Hey gorgeous.” He whispered back. “Sleep well?” he glided his body closer to hers and she tucked herself into his chest.

 

“Am I still sleeping?” she asked, breath hot on his chest. “I don’t think this is real.”

 

“Does it matter?” he ran a finger under her chin to tip her head up and they locked eyes. “Just stay here with me.” He rolled her onto her back and loomed above her, leaning down to claim her lips with his own. Tess closed her eyes and slid her tongue across his before he nibbled lightly on her bottom lip.

 

“Ryan.” She spoke, hating herself already. He pulled back and pushed a strand of hair out of her face. “We can’t.” Her voice broke and his brows stitched together.

 

“Tess… baby, don’t do this.” He shook his head. “I’m here now. Stay with me. Please.”

 

“I want to, but this isn’t real. _You_ aren’t real.” Tears were falling now and she wasn’t sure if the wetness on her face was her own or if they were his.

 

“Then do it! Don’t make excuses damnit, just do it.” His tone got edgier and he softened when she flinched away. “Hey, look at me.” He guided her face to his and thumbed a tear away. “It only hurts for a second and then it’s over. We can be together.”

 

“What?” she blurted, trying to sit up. Ryan pushed her back down gently and smoothed her hair with the other hand.

 

“Baby, don’t you want to be with me?” he whispered.

 

“You can’t be seriously suggesting…” she searched his eyes and found the sparks of rage.

 

“You don’t want to do it?” he seethed, face morphing into someone else. Someone familiar. “Fine. How about I just do it for you?” his hands latched around her throat and began squeezing as she fought to kick him off her. As she fought, she recognized the face – Billy Russo. Billy, with all his devilishly handsome features, was choking the life out of her, brown hair falling over into his sharp eyes and a hint of a smile on his lips. She didn’t fight. She just let go. A flash of white exploded behind her eyes and she shot straight up in her bed, sweat pooling on her brow and her breathing erratic. She blinked a few times before she realized she was alone in her bedroom, her sheets tangled all around her the only sign of her struggle. There was a loud pounding at her door and she nearly jumped out of her skin again.

 

She got up as the pounding continued, pulling her hair into a messy bun as she went. “Yeah, yeah… I’m coming. Just calm the fuck down.” She shouted down the hall at the door, but the pounding started again. She picked up the Glock still on her kitchen counter and switched the safety off before heading to the door again. Standing on her tiptoes, she peeked through the peephole and sighed, clicking the safety back on her gun. She unlocked the door and swung it open.

 

“Frank, what the hell?” she grumbled.

 

“You planning to use that?” he asked, motioning to the gun still in her hand.

 

“Thinking about it.” She nodded. “What the hell are you doing pounding on my door at…” she looked back at the clock on her oven, “7:00 in the morning?”

 

“What’s going on with you?” he reached forward and wiped some of the sweat from her forehead.

 

“What? The Punisher never has nightmares?” she scoffed, turning her back to him to walk to the kitchen and start a pot of coffee. Frank followed her inside, shutting and locking the door behind him. “Want some?” she asked as she scooped grounds into the filter.

 

“Yeah, sure. Thanks.”

 

“You never answered my question.” She reminded him.

 

“You never answered mine.” He threw back. The two stared at each other listening to the sound of the coffee brewing.

 

“Why are you here, Frank?” she sighed. He eyed the gun she put back on the counter before looking back up at her.

 

“Thought we needed to get started on a plan.” He took the steaming mug she handed him and took a sip.

 

“What? No. I told you… I don’t want your help.” She shook her head, setting her mug on the counter. “You let him go the first time. And let’s not split any hairs here, Frank. You were Ryan’s friend. No offense, but I don’t know you.”

 

“You want Billy, right?” he asked. When her silence gave him the answer he wanted, he took another sip of his coffee. “Then whether or not you want my help is irrelevant. You _need_ me. No one knows Billy like I do.” He took a step closer to her and leaned down into her personal space. “And you’re right. You _don’t_ know me. That means you don’t know him.” He took a step back after he saw her left hand start to tremble from its place on the counter. “You make one wrong move… underestimate him in any way… you die. Everyone you care about dies.”

 

“Everyone I care about is already dead.” Her voice wavered and she took her coffee with her into the living room to avoid him seeing her tears. She took a seat on her couch and tucked her legs under herself.

 

“Tess…” Frank took the seat on the opposite end and turned to face her. “What happened?” She looked over at him before looking back down into her mug. “Come on, talk to me.”

 

She stared into the dark liquid like it held the secret of life. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him, but she knew he deserved to know the truth. “You know how Ryan and I met, yeah?” she began. “They got him back to the states and I was working at the VA. He got discharged and we got married. Billy took him on at Anvil about a year later and we moved up here. Everything was, well, everything. He told me about some jobs Billy asked him to take off the books. I made good money, and he didn’t want to put our family in jeopardy by taking them – they weren’t exactly legal. He turned Billy down one too many times and they killed him to keep him quiet. Happened eight months ago. I think the only reason I’m still alive is because you provided a nice distraction for him.” Frank balled a fist into the blanket sitting next to him as she went on. “You know, he called me right before it happened and told me to pack a bag and run. I did, but not before I heard the gunshots.” Two silent tears trailed down into the mug at the memory. “I listened to him choke on his own blood for three whole minutes before it stopped.” She sat the mug down on the coffee table and let her head fall into her hands as she cried, not caring about the man sitting near her.

 

Frank let her cry in silence for a while before he spoke. “You know, I’ve only ever met one other woman in my life with a set of balls like yours.” He thought about Karen and chuckled. “And I don’t know that even she could tear a man apart like you have. Maria… she had a set, but a pacifist if I ever met one. Always pissed at me to high hell when I would tell Junior to pop a kid in the mouth when they picked on him.”

 

He leaned down to catch her eye. “Hey, I saw you two. Never thought that man would settle down. Ryan raised hell everywhere we went. Then he met you and I swear to Christ, Tess, he was a completely different man. All he talked about was that gorgeous PT that saved his life.” Tess’ face began to twist again and she choked back a sob. “I coached him through proposing. He was nervous as shit. The way he looked at you on your wedding day...” he trailed off. “He gladly took those discharge papers so he wouldn’t have to leave you again… something I should have done for Maria.”

 

“Please stop.” She whispered. She looked back up at him and continued. “I know what you’re doing… please just… don’t.”

 

“Look, Tess. Knowing how much he loved you… I just… I can’t let you do this. Not alone. I underestimated Billy and look what happened to me – to my family. Now you’re right… I let him go, but not before I fucked him up real bad.” She smiled a little at the thought. “Just let me help you, yeah? I promise you that when we find him, you pull the trigger.”

 

She sat considering him for a moment before taking another gulp of her coffee, nodding. “Yeah, ok.”

 

* * *

 

 

The wind was bitter on the docks while Billy waited, cap pulled down to shadow the scarring on his face. He tucked his chin further down into his scarf and rubbed his gloved hands together. Fucking Hells Kitchen. Once this score was settled, he was moving somewhere warm - preferably somewhere with a beach. When this was over, he was going to fix his fucking face and find some girl to flaunt around in a skimpy bikini.

 

He turned to face the water and reflected back on the night at Central Park when he let that bastard Frank Castle get the drop on him. He knew what Rawlins had planned for Frank and his family, and while Billy didn’t care for the idea, he wasn’t going to risk putting a stop to the whole thing. Frank and the others were going to get in the way of him making something for himself. Call it selfish, call it whatever, but Billy Russo had to look out for Billy Russo. It’s not like anyone else ever did.

 

His thoughts were interrupted by footsteps and he turned around to see a man in a skullcap approaching with eyes of steel; his walk oozed with hubris and the smirk on his face made Billy’s blood boil.

 

“Jigsaw?” the man spoke, a small laugh under his breath. “What kind of fuckery is that for a name? That ‘sposed to be on account of that mangled mess of a face you got?” he threw his chin up in Billy’s direction, smirk still plastered on his face.

 

“Lester.” Billy seethed. “You’re exactly the asshole I thought you’d be.” His eyes shot daggers as he spoke again. “Still got that parting gift from that old Chinese lady? I heard she marked you up real good.” he mocked.

 

Lester dragged his skullcap off to reveal a bald head seared with a bulls eye branded scar. Billy laughed almost hysterically as Lester stared him down. “Sorry man… it’s just…” he laughed some more, “You kinda asked for that, don’t you think? Going around talking shit, giving yourself some _stupid fucking_ name… they just made sure you never got rid of it!” his laughter died out and he cocked his head to the side. “Aww, come on Lester. Guys like us,” he removed his cap so his scars were fully visible, “we gotta stick together.”

 

“What do you want?” Lester asked.

 

“I’ve got a war to fight, and I could use a partner.” Billy put his cap back on and rubbed his hands together again.

 

“Yeah, and why should I help you? I don’t know you for shit, Jiggy.” Lester sneered.

 

“Because I have some valuable information you may want.” He smiled, bearing his newly acquired veneers. “I happen to know you’re looking to get back in Fisk’s good graces. I also happen to know that he gave you a list of names in order for that to happen. My guess is one Ms. Karen Page is on that list, no?” Lester narrowed his eyes and Billy continued. “I’m looking for a friend of hers. Help me take down The Punisher, and you can have Karen Page.”

 

“The Punisher?” Lester scoffed. “You can’t be fucking serious.”

 

“I AM fucking serious.” Billy raised his voice, stomping his foot in emphasis. “Frank _fucking_ Castle did this to me and I’m going to _kill_ him for it. That Page girl is a secondary character to me, but word on the street is Fisk wants her dead. I get my revenge, you get your job back – everybody’s happy.”

 

“Why don’t you just take him out on your own?” Lester put his skullcap back on. “Sounds like you found out what his weakness is… why do you need my help to exploit it?”

 

“Be _cause_ ” Billy hissed, “Someone is after me and I need to find out who it is. I can’t very well play offense _and_ defense on my own at the same time.” The two men stared each other down and Billy rolled his eyes. “Help me or don’t. But we have a common goal here. How long do you think it’s going to take for The Punisher to turn his focus on you? I know Frank. I know what makes him tick – how to fuck him up worse than anyone else on this shithole of a planet. You’re gonna want my help when that day comes.” He took a step forward. “And it _will_ come if we don’t take care of him first.”

 

Lester seemed to consider Billy’s words before a low chuckle erupted from his chest. “So Karen Page and The Punisher, huh?” he laughed a little longer and Billy looked on with confusion.

 

“What’s so fucking funny?”

 

“It’s just that… she’s the Devil’s bitch.” Lester nearly doubled over. “Fucking vigilante whore. Maybe I’ll take a piece before she dies.”

 

“Her ass does fill out a skirt quite nice.” Billy huffed in agreement. “Do whatever you want with her. I don’t care. Are you in?”

 

“Oh yeah…” Lester smiled. “I’m in.”

 


	6. Never Saw It Coming

_Chapter 6: Never Saw It Coming_

 

_Two and a half years ago…_

 

She felt his teeth on her shoulder as his added weight draped around her in a whirlwind of heat and sweat; his panting breaths resounding in her ear. She pushed back to meet his thrusts and threw her head back as he hit that delicious spot inside that made her crumble.

 

“Are you?” he asked in between thrusts.

 

“Close.” She managed to nod in return.

 

His hand reached in front of her to toy between her legs as he pulled her closer to his chest by her neck. As he picked up the pace, she turned her head to the side to catch his lips, nodding again as her release washed over her in waves. He released her neck and she collapsed belly-down on the bed. Above her, she heard him groan as she felt a sticky heat on the back of her thigh.

 

Tess lay still while trying to catch her breath. She felt him leave the bed and heard his feet pad along the hardwood floor to the bathroom. He soon returned with a wet rag and she felt him wipe himself off her and she said a silent prayer of thanks. She turned her head to the side and watched as he plopped down beside her, a loose smile on his face.

 

“That was…” he began.

 

“Yeah, it was.” She agreed.

 

“It uh…” he trailed off, trying to think of how to approach the subject.

 

“Let’s not dissect this now.” She looked down to avoid his gaze. When she looked back up, he met her eyes. “When is he supposed to be here?”

 

“Sometime tomorrow morning.”

 

“Can you um…” she pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and cursed the heat rising to her cheeks. “Can you not mention this?”

 

“Yeah, and risk getting knocked in the teeth? This will be our little secret.” He chuckled.

 

“Thanks, Billy.” Tess held eye contact for a few seconds longer and she wondered if he could sense the deep sadness she felt. “I uh… I should get going.” She pushed herself up and started picking her clothes up off the floor, dressing as she went. “Thanks for being Switzerland.” She smiled. “I don’t think returning the key in person is such a good idea right now, you know?”

 

“I get it.” He nodded. “If you need a place to crash or anything…”

 

“No, no. Thank you, but I’m good.” She shook her head. Before she could stop herself, she found the words flowing. “You know, I grew up in the city, but I really only know you guys and Maria.” Billy stared at her waiting for her to continue. “It’s just… thanks for not shunning me I guess.”

 

“Hey, Tess?” Billy asked, watching her watch the floor.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“What the hell happened between you two?” he asked. She kept her eyes low and toyed with the doorknob. “I thought – I mean, we all thought – that you guys would go the distance.”

 

“Yeah, me too.” She felt the tears rising and choked them back. “I guess sometimes things just don’t turn out how you planned.” She looked back at him and she knew he could see the lies on her face. “I really should go. Take care of yourself, Billy.”

 

“You too, Tess.” She gave him a small smile. “I hope you know, you’re not shunned. We all care about you too.” She nodded at him and turned to leave.

 

She made it the three blocks to her new building and safely behind her door before she gave in to the tears that stung behind her eyes. Slumped against the wall on the floor, she sobbed not caring if anyone could hear her through the paper-thin walls. _“Why couldn’t you just let it go?”_ she pleaded with a man no longer there.

 

_“Why? Why are you SO hung up on this?” Tess demanded._

_“Tess, I never had a family growing up. I bounced around from fake family to fake family until I was eighteen. Is it so wrong that I want to get to know yours? That I would want to be a part of it? We’re getting married and until today, I’ve never even met any of them.” Ryan threw back._

_“And you won’t be meeting any more of them.”_

_“I don’t understand.” He threw his hands up in frustration._

_“No! You don’t understand!” she shouted back. “Ryan, I’m sorry you didn’t grow up with a family. I wish you had that. Hell, I wish I had that. But us getting married doesn’t make them our family.”_

_“You did have that!”_

_“No, I didn’t.” she seethed, voice getting quieter. “I would think you of all people would get that just because you share a name doesn’t make you a family. I grew up in that house and I prayed every day for a way out.” She choked back a sob and he reached out to her. Tess stepped back and carried on. “My father was cruel and controlling. My mother was cold and unforgiving.” Her voice cracked, but she shook it off. “I left and never looked back. Don’t make me look back.”_

_“Tess…” Ryan begged._

_“The answer is no.”_

_They stared each other down for several moments; neither backing down from their stance. Ryan shook his head and ran a hand over his face in frustration. “Just because you share a name doesn’t make you a family huh?”_

_“That’s right.” She nodded._

_“So, what are we doing this for?” he pointed between them._

_“What?” she asked, exasperated._

_“What are we doing this for?” he repeated. “You said it yourself. Are you going to look back in ten years, or hell… even next week… and say that about us?”_

_“Ryan, you know I won’t.”_

_“I don’t know that, Tess. I don’t know that.” He shook his head. “You run into your brother once and you’re terrified that means they’re coming to the wedding.”_

_“Because you invited them!” she yelled._

_“They’re your family!” he yelled back. “And soon enough, you’re going to begin equating the probability of seeing any of them with the fact that you’re only back in New York because of me. If you hadn’t left the VA to be with me…” he trailed off._

_“I don’t even know what to say to that.” She scoffed. “I’ve never resented you for being here. I didn’t even think twice about my decision to come here for you. If you doubt that, then you’re right… what are we doing this for?” she waited for his rebuttal, but one never came. “You’re obviously having doubts.” She nodded, sniffing her tears back. “I think… I think maybe we should take some time to figure out what that means for us.”_

_“Yeah, maybe we should.” Ryan nodded in agreement. He felt the stinging behind his own eyes while he cursed that he was the cause of her tears. He watched as she picked up her purse and keys and wiped the tears from her eyes. “Where are you going?”_

_“I need some air.” She responded, closing the door behind her._

She had texted Maria. Stayed with the Castles for a couple of days before making her decision. She put down a deposit on a unit in a building a few blocks from the place she shared with Ryan and had her stuff moved before he got home from work. She thought about leaving a note, but couldn’t find the words to say, so in the end she just left the ring with the words “I’m sorry” scribbled next to it.

 

She needed a way to give the key back and that’s how she ended up at Billy’s. He offered her a drink, which turned into two, three and four and before long she was in his bed. And now all she was was disgusted – disgusted with Ryan, disgusted with Billy, but most of all disgusted with herself.

 

Tess peeled herself off the floor and made her way to the shower to scrub her skin raw. After she was satisfied she had washed all of her poor decisions off her, she cut the water off and spent the rest of the night on the small mattress she picked up with a bottle of gin.

 

* * *

 

_Two months later…_

 

Tess pulled her phone out of her pocket at the dings while she browsed the bodega isles for the new shampoo Maria recommended.

 

_Maria: Hey, what are you doing for dinner tonight?_

_Tess: No plans._

_Maria: How about a girls’ night in? I’d offer my place, but there are far more opportunities for interruptions here. Plus Frank is offering to keep the kiddos while I go out._

_Tess: Sounds great. We can definitely stay in at my place. Trashy chinese food and booze?_

_Maria: Read my mind. I’ve got news to share. Be there around 6:00?_

_Tess: See you then._

She paid for her shampoo and checked her watch. 3:00. Her phone pinged again and she pulled it back out of her pocket to see a text from Billy: _“Can you drop by? 30 minutes tops. Got something to tell you.”_

Tess sighed and typed back _“Sure. I’m close, I’ll swing over that way now.”_ before sliding her phone back in her back pocket. Everyone had news and she was starting to get a little nervous.

 

She got to the building and called up, waiting to be buzzed in. When she heard the click, she opened the door and made her way to the elevator and up to Billy’s floor. The doors opened and there he stood, waiting for her.

 

“Ok, creep.” She laughed, hugging him as they made their way inside his apartment. “So, what’s the big news?” she asked.

 

“Slow down.” He chuckled. “Did you bring me a present? You could have wrapped it better.” he asked, pointing to her bag from the bodega.

 

“Oh yeah, fruity shampoo just for you, Bill.” She shook her head. “I was at the store when you called.”

 

“I see. Well, I’m not sure if anyone else has told you yet. I was hoping to tell you myself.”

 

“Tell me what? Maria said she had news too. She’s meeting me for dinner tonight.” Tess responded. Billy looked grateful and Tess set her things on the floor before sitting on his couch. “What’s going on, Billy? You’re making me nervous.”

 

“Well…” Billy ran his hand through his hair and sat down next to her.

 

“Oh my god. He knows, doesn’t he?” she put her hand to her mouth in horror.

 

“What?” Billy grabbed her hand and pulled it off her face. “No. No, no, no – it’s not that. He doesn’t know anything.” He assured her. “I told you, it happened once… we were drunk, we weren’t thinking, he’s not going to find out about it I swear.”

 

“Oh thank god.” She sighed. “Then… what is it?”

 

“It’s Frankie and me. We got called back out.”

 

“Oh my god. Billy… when?”

 

“We got our orders yesterday. We have to report up in sixty days.” He saw the look of dread on her face and grabbed her hand. “Hey, it’s not so bad. It’s more notice than we got last time. Plus… and I feel I speak for Frank too… we’re kind of assholes. We live for this shit.” She laughed a little at that and squeezed his hand.

 

“Well, as someone that loves you guys, I’m happy for you?” she shook her head. “God, poor Maria.”

 

“Yeah, Frank said she didn’t take it so well.” Billy agreed. “She thought he was done with all this. In his defense, he never told her he was out.” They sat in silence for a few minutes before Billy spoke up again. “So… have you talked to Ryan lately?”

 

“No. Not since the fight.” She shook her head. “How is he?”

 

“Honestly?” Billy asked. “He’s miserable.”

 

“Oh.” She looked back down at the floor.

 

“Look, I’m not going to tell you what to do. You know what happened between you two, I don’t. But I wish you two would work it out. I hate having to hide that I see you.”

 

“You don’t have to hide that we talk, Billy. I don’t want him to be miserable. Trust me… more than anything I want him to be happy.” She stressed.

 

“Then talk to him. Please?” Billy asked. “We’re all going out to Mezzo’s Saturday. There’s a live band playing that Frank’s been following. You should come.”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Tess, please just come. I know he’d want to see you.”

 

“I’ll think about it. Will that be enough?” she exhaled. “Just, don’t tell him I’m coming. I don’t want him to get his hopes up if I don’t make it.” She leaned down to pick up her bags and stood up. “I should get going though. I still have some errands to run before Maria comes over.”

 

Billy stood up to walk her to the door and she gave him one last hug before leaving. “Mezzo’s Saturday, 9pm. See you there.” He breathed in her ear. She laughed and squeezed him tighter.

 

“Bye, Billy.”

 

Saturday night came and Tess found herself lying around her apartment, restless. She had already ignored the _“You coming?”_ text from Maria and poured herself a glass of wine. She glanced at the time on her phone and sighed. 9:30pm.

 

“Fuck it.” She gulped down the rest of the glass and grabbed her purse and keys.

 

She made it to Mezzo’s and past the bouncer checking IDs at the door. From her place at the back, she could see the group she was supposed to meet up with – Frank and Maria cuddled up on one end against the wall, swaying back and forth to the music. She saw Billy and Ryan nursing beers and a quick glance found Curtis at the bar, probably getting the next round. With all the people packed in the small space, it wasn’t hard to stay out of sight, and Tess was still working up her nerve. She wasn’t sure what she was doing there or where this would lead her.

 

She waited for Curtis to leave the bar before getting a drink of her own. She opted for hard liquor to calm her nerves. Seeing him again brought everything back, and all she wanted to do was to go back to the way they were. Nothing had changed; she knew that. But it was like seeing him again made all of that disappear.

 

Tess noticed how he ran his hands over his face and how Curtis squeezed his shoulder and it dawned on her that he was fighting back tears. She registered that the band wasn’t playing, but that the lead singer was saying something to the crowd. Whatever he said, she missed, but she didn’t miss the song they began next.

 

 _All I want is nothing more_  
_Than to hear you knocking at my door._  
_Cause if I could see your face once more_  
_I’d die a happy man I’m sure._

_When you said your last goodbye_  
_I died a little bit inside._  
_I lay in tears in bed all night_  
_Alone without you by my side._

_But if you loved me_  
_Why’d you leave me?_  
_Take my body._  
_Take my body._  
_All I want is_  
_And all I need is_  
_To find somebody._  
_I’ll find somebody._

_Cause you brought out the best of me_  
_A part of me I’d never seen._  
_You took my soul and wiped it clean._  
_Our love was made for movie screens._

Tears welled up in Tess’ eyes and she watched the man she loved break down to the lyrics. Curtis tried to console him, but he shook it off. She could tell he was making his move to leave – apologizing to Frank and Maria and bidding farewell to Billy and Curtis. He walked towards the door and she couldn’t take it anymore. She moved as fast as her legs could carry her to cut him off before he left.

 

Ryan’s hand was reaching out to open the door when someone whipped him around by his arm. He let out a brief sigh of relief when he saw the tears gleaming in her eyes.

 

“A name doesn’t make you family.” She said, voice shaking.

 

“I know.” He nodded.

 

Tess searched his eyes as the music drowned out everything around them. She threw her arms around his neck and dragged him down to meet her lips, melding into the rest of his body as best she could. His hand tangled in her hair to pull her head back as he kissed her with all he had, swallowing her sigh of content along the way.

 

“Oh my god.” Maria gasped, looking back.

 

“What?” Frank asked, following her eyes.

 

“Ryan… and Tess.” Maria beamed. Billy and Curtis turned to look as well and Frank smirked.

 

“Let’s leave ‘em alone. You know they won’t be coming back over here.” Frank laughed. Maria watched them leave hand in hand and looked back at her husband, eyes sparkling. She laid her head on his shoulder as he pulled her close to watch the rest of the set.

 

Outside, Tess wrapped her arm around Ryan’s. He looked down at her and smiled again before giving her another kiss. “I haven’t changed my mind about us getting involved with my family.” She began. “And I swear I’ll tell you everything…” she stopped them as they got to the corner. “Tomorrow.”

 

“Let’s go home.” Ryan grabbed her hand, kissed her knuckles, and pulled her along to cross the street.


	7. Who We Are

Chapter 7: Who We Are

 

A few days passed and they were no closer to finding Billy. Frank had brought Tess back to David’s shithole, where she politely asked to leave. “If I’m going to die, it’s not going to be from whatever disease I get from this place.” She had said. They moved David’s equipment into Tess’ brownstone, setting up base there.

 

Frank checked in with Karen a couple of times and was put at ease that the authorities were nowhere near figuring out who killed McAbee and the others. This call, however, Frank got the sense something was wrong. Karen was trying to keep him on the phone. He could tell she was walking somewhere by the sound of her heels on the pavement, and her steps were getting quicker.

 

“Karen, is everything alright?” he pressed, his trigger finger involuntarily speeding up.

 

“Just stay on with me until I get inside.” She breathed in response.

 

“Yeah, ok. Do you need me to meet you? Are you walking home?” he crossed over to where David was sitting and snapped at him to get his attention. _“Find Karen.”_ He mouthed. David began flipping through camera feeds that fell along the route Karen would take from The Bulletin to her apartment. He pulled out his phone and shot off a text, though Frank couldn’t tell who it was for.

 

“No, I don’t think so.” She responded. “Just stay on the line, Frank.” She pleaded.

 

“Karen, I’m not going anywhere.” He answered, eyes scanning the camera feeds until he spotted her. He patted David on the shoulder to signal him to stop and kept watching her walk. He caught glimpse of a hooded figure on the opposite side of the street from her that kept looking over her way. “Karen, do you have your gun?” he asked, voice cold.

 

“Of course I do.” He watched as her hand reached into her purse. “Shit.” She whispered.

 

“What?”

 

“I must have left it at home. Frank, it’s not here.” her voice started to race in panic.

 

“Ok, listen to me. There’s someone following you.”

 

“How do you know that?” she stopped on the sidewalk, looking around.

 

“Goddamnit Karen, keep walking. If he catches on that you know he’s there, it’s over.” She nodded and picked up her pace again. He reached for his jacket and began to head to the door when David grabbed his wrist to pull him back, shaking his head no.

 

“I’m only a block away. Can I beat him there?” she asked.

 

“I think so. Go fast, but try not to look anxious.” He heard her harsh breathing and ran a hand over his face. “Everything is going to be alright, you hear me?” he glared at David before gritting out “I have to get to her.”

 

“I’m taking care of it.” David shot back.

 

“Taking care of it?” Karen asked, having heard David on the other end. “What did he mean by-” before she could get out the end of her question, a force shoved her into the alley directly to her right and she let out a yell before the call went dead.

 

“Karen!” Frank shouted, having seen the commotion on the screen. This time there was no stopping him as he stalked to the door, checking the gun in his waistband. He swore his heart was tearing its way through his chest and he was drowning. He was about to lose her.

 

“Frank!” David’s voice rang after him, but Frank wasn’t listening. “FRANK.” He yelled again. “It’s Tess!” Frank turned around and stomped back to the screens to watch. “I sent Tess after her.” David repeated, quieter this time.

 

Both men watched as the hooded figure jogged across the street in search of the target he lost. He walked past the alley they watched Tess pull Karen into before stopping and slowly walking back. He barely got three feet into the alley before his face was introduced with a metal baseball bat, and Frank felt a small smile creep up his lips when he realized it was Karen. “Atta girl.” He muttered under his breath.

 

* * *

 

 

Karen and her unknown help dragged the hooded man further into the alley behind the dumpster, huffing as soon as they got him propped up against the brick wall. Karen watched as the smaller brunette woman began checking the man’s pockets – she pulled out a wallet and threw it back to Karen. Of course there was no ID. That would be just way too easy. The woman continued to dig and pulled out a knife from the man’s belt along with a long handgun – a silencer screwed on to the end.

 

“Shit.” Karen breathed at the sight. “He was going to kill me, wasn’t he?” she ran a hand through her hair and took a step back.

 

“Seems that way, yeah.” The woman spoke. She turned around to face Karen and held out her hand. “Tess Williams. You must be Karen Page.” She smiled and Karen shook her hand, still wary of her. Tess turned back toward the man that was starting to stir back awake before taking aim and unloading three slugs into his face and chest with his own gun.

 

* * *

 

 

“What the _hell_ were you thinking?” Frank roared. He paced the small space between Karen’s kitchen and living room, fists clenching.

 

“He was going to kill her. You’re just pissed I beat you to it.” Tess replied, nonchalantly. Frank saw red and charged at her, grabbing her by the throat and slamming her against the wall, her nails clawing against his wrist while the entirety of her body thrashed against him to break free.

 

“Frank!” Karen shouted beside him, trying to pry his fingers off the woman’s throat.

 

“We _needed_ him, Tess. We needed him to find where to go next and you FUCKED that up!” Tess felt the spit from his words hit her face as he began to crush her windpipe. That moment of euphoria before total blackout was looming behind her eyes and white was on the horizon.

 

“FRANK.” Karen shouted again, noting how Tess’ fight against him began to fade. She threw herself as far between them as she could wedge herself, trying to push him backwards. “You’re killing her! Stop it!” Frank turned to face Karen and blinked before dropping his hand, staring at it as if in a trance. Tess doubled over gasping in oxygen, keeping her terrified gaze on Frank and Karen shoved him again – this time he moved.

 

“Karen… I…” Frank sputtered. “Tess…” He watched as Karen put an arm around Tess to help her down to the couch before her eyes caught his, red rimmed with tears, her jaw clenched in anger. “I… I’ll go.” He whispered, walking to the door. He wasn’t surprised that she didn’t try and stop him. He was surprised she didn’t try to shoot him.

 

“Tess, are you – are you alright?” Karen put a hand on her back reassuringly and Tess nodded, still taking in air in gulps.

 

“I’m sorry.” Tess croaked, voice raw.

 

“Don’t apologize. You saved my life.” Karen shook her head. “If you hadn’t shown up… and with that bat.”

 

“I uh… stole it from some kid on the street.” she coughed. “That was a hell of a swing.” Tess responded, testing her vocal chords once more.

 

“Yeah, well, I played softball in high school and college.” Karen smiled. “Let me get you some water. And some ice.” She tried not to grimace at the purpling marks rising along the other woman’s neck. After a few minutes, she returned to the couch with a glass of water and an ice pack wrapped in a dishtowel and placed it gingerly on Tess’ neck.

 

“Can I – can I ask you something?” Karen asked. Tess nodded in response, her eyes clenching shut with a wince at the contact of the ice on her skin.

 

“Frank said Billy Russo killed your husband.” She began. Tess nodded slightly and she continued. “I know you killed those men. And the man in the alley…” she paused. “I just… does it bother you? Knowing you’ve killed someone?”

 

“No.” Tess answered immediately. “Everyone I’ve killed deserved it.” Karen nodded and gulped down the water intended for Tess. Tess removed the ice pack from her neck. “You’ve done it too. You’ve killed someone.” She spoke in realization.

 

“Yes.” Karen whispered, eyes falling to the faded pattern of her couch.

 

“Did they deserve it?” Karen gave a small nod and closed her eyes to keep the tears back.

 

“Then it doesn’t matter.” Tess spoke, mater-of-factly. Karen looked back up at her and Tess gave her a small smile.

 

“Frank… he, uh… he doesn’t know.” Karen said softly, hoping her message was conveyed.

 

“Sure he does.” The ice pack eased back down and Tess hissed at the pressure. She saw the look of fear in Karen’s eyes and shook her head. “He told me about you.” Karen tilted her head. “I mean, I didn’t know it was you at the time, but it’s easy to see it now.” Tess chuckled slightly. “Said he only met one other woman with balls like mine. Said he didn’t know if she could tear a man apart like I did… but I think he knew.” Karen huffed in response, but couldn’t hide the small smile beginning to form. “What’s the deal with you two anyway?”

 

“Frank’s a friend.” Karen answered rapidly. The look on the brunette’s face screamed _“yeah, right”_ and she cleared her throat. “We, uh – we helped each other when it mattered. Trust me.” She sighed. “It’s not that deep.”

 

“Oh, please. I saw the way he looked at you. Like a puppy, that man.” Tess smiled fondly and shook her head, wincing at the pain in her neck at the movement. “Ryan – my husband – he used to look at me that same way.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Karen offered. “About your husband. I can’t even imagine.” It was almost the truth. Her heart still stung any time she thought about Matt, but she knew it wasn’t the same. “Frank asked me to keep you out of the papers. I want you to know that I will.”

 

“Thank you.” She reached out and grabbed the blonde’s hand. “Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

 

The lock clicked in place and her keys found their way to the bowl by the door. The hall in front of her was cascaded in darkness and she fought the urge to collapse right there on the floor. Sighing, she walked down the hallway to her bedroom through to the tiny bathroom housed within. The light flickered on and she cringed at her reflection. The welts on her neck were beginning to turn black and a vessel had popped in her right eye. “Jesus.” She whispered. She turned on the faucet, washed off her makeup and walked back out into the main part of the house.

 

Once in the living room, the piano in the corner caught her attention. She cautiously walked to the bench and took a seat, testing a key and relishing in the sound. She decided to see if she could still do it – she hadn’t touched the thing since Ryan died. He loved to hear her play and with him gone… it just seemed pointless.

 

Her fingers glided along the keys in the familiar pattern of the first movement of Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata and she let her eyes fall closed to the sound. Muscle memory took over, and if she let go enough, she could feel his lips on the back of her ear as she played. Something that used to irritate her so much was now the only thing she wanted to feel. She could feel her tears hitting her fingers, but she didn’t care anymore.

 

As the movement came to a close, she slowly opened her eyes and the reflection she caught in the window forced her to shoot up, the piano bench screeching away from her. “Jesus Christ.” She inhaled. “Come back to finish the job?” she spat.

 

Frank stood in the doorway of her living room watching her with curiosity. He had come to apologize – didn’t think she would miss the fact he was there when she walked in the door. “Ryan always said his girl could make a grown man cry over some damn ivory.” His voice came out like gravel. “I’m not gonna hurt you.” He held his hands up where she could see them. “Came to say I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put hands on you.” The pair stood watching each other in silence for what felt like an eternity before Tess decided she was too exhausted to fight even if he was there to finish her off.

 

“Yeah, ok.” She nodded, walking towards him. Moving around him, she made her way back out to the kitchen and pulled out two tumblers. She hoisted herself up on to the counter to reach the small shelf above her refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of Johnnie Walker before climbing back down.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“Well, Frank – way I see it – if my throat is gonna burn anyway, it may as well be a good burn.” She looked him up and down before pouring two fingers in each glass. “And you look like you could use a drink.”

 

“Tess, I…”

 

“Save it.” She cut him off, shoving one of the tumblers in his face. “I probably would have done the same thing.” She admitted. She grabbed the bottle and her glass and went back to her living room, taking a seat on her couch. Frank followed cautiously behind her.

 

Leaning over her, he flicked on the lamp next to the couch and scooted as close to her as he could get. One strong hand reached out and she flinched, but ultimately allowed him to gently push her chin to the side so he could get a better view and the sight alone of what his hands had done to her were enough to make him choke back a sob. He trailed his fingertips over the bruising and her eyes fell shut. He even swore he saw one of his thumbprints embedded in her skin.

 

“I’ve never…” he trailed off and her eyes fluttered open again. He couldn’t look away from the angry red splotch taking over her right eye. “I’ve never so much as looked at a woman wrong a day in my life. I don’t… I don’t know…”

 

“You love her, don’t you?” she asked and he knew damn well who she was talking about.

 

“I don’t know. I think so.” He admitted sheepishly. No point in lying. “But I’m no good for her. Never have been, never will be.” He reached out to her neck again, but this time she didn’t flinch. His hand hovered for a brief moment before he retreated back to his glass, downing the harsh liquid in one shot, the _“look what I did to you”_ left unspoken on his tongue.

 

“Do you ever feel…” she began, pouring him another glass. “Do you ever feel like maybe you shouldn’t? Love her, I mean.”

 

“Of course I do. Every time I think about her.” He took another sip while she poured herself another glass. “Feels like I’m cheating on Maria… pissing on her memory.”

 

“Yeah.” Tess nodded in agreement. “But you aren’t though.” She gulped down another glass and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “Maria’s dead, Frank.”

 

“That’s a bit harsh.”

 

“Says the guy that tried to fucking kill me not three hours ago.” She huffed.

 

“What about you then, huh? You moving on?” he threw it back on her, wanting to get as far away from the subject of what he did to her as humanly possible.

 

“No.” she answered truthfully. “He was it for me. I don’t want to love anyone again, you know?” he nodded at her words and they fell into a comfortable silence.

 

“I ever tell you I fucked Billy?” Frank spit out the liquor in his mouth at the question. “Jesus, Frank. This is expensive shit.” She goaded.

 

“You… and Billy? Billy _Russo._ ” he repeated. She nodded and took another drink. “When?”

 

“Sick huh? Especially with how things turned out.” She looked completely ashamed. “Ryan and I broke up the summer before we got married. Told him I wanted some time after one stupid fight. He didn’t stop me. He was scared I resented him and nothing I said or did was going to convince him otherwise.” He assisted her in pouring another glass and she continued. “We worked it out to where Billy would return my key. I went over there to give him the key and we had some drinks. It was stupid. Only happened once.” She threw back half her glass and looked at Frank. “I never told Ryan. Does that mean I’m a cheat?” her eyes looked sad and Frank knew she was hurdling towards drunk, and he felt it would be a miserable thing for her to end her night this way.

 

“Nah, Tess.” He assured her. “You’re not.” she gave him a small smile before downing the rest.

 

“I’m glad you’re here, Frank.”

 

“I tried to kill you.”

 

“Maybe I deserve it.”


End file.
